World on Fire

Easter Camp

2006-04-20T02:52:00.000-06:00

So i had easter camp, and it was absolutely increadible.. well happy easter everyone, and here are some pics from camp.. i have a camp video that i'll show you when i get back.. but yeah here they are!

an intense card game that ended up with em's ear bleeding...mmm...no but it was a great game! so much fun! we had about 15 people playing a game aroung one able it was great fun

Laura being well... laura...

Sam and Amy.. the cutest sibling duo ever!

we wanted sam to do his face..

My small group leader rachel straightening theo's hair(you say his name tao)

In my easter shirt with laura and her evil bunny face

Me and em looking hot in our veggie tales shirts

frolicking in the rain

We did this mud coarse that was crazy! but it was mad fun.. this is me and laura after wards... you cant see all the mud on me cause my clothes were black.. but here shirt was white and here pants were tan.. yeah it was fun.. but then we had to get hosed off and it was freezing, but really funny.. we took 3 showers with our clothes trying to get all the mud out.. it was soooooo crazy!!!

funniest picture ever!!!!!!!!

clean up duty........

beth, kristen, sam, em, amy, katherine, me

how me laura and em sat in chapel

me and the funniest girl ever (kat.)

the whole group.. im front and center

2006-04-18T03:53:00.000-06:00

so today i went shopping with em and her mom, and i got the perfect suvineir.... hmm... yay! anyways.. rocky asked me to prom, in SUCH a cute way! And i just had a lot of fun today.. it was a good day. As my trip winds down i am soo excited to go home, but then i think about all that i am leaving behind here, ad a feeling of overwelming sadness comes over me. Its like no matter what i do i cant win. I have had some really tough times here at the house, but my friends and all the places i've grown to love are going to be really hard to leave. I put tons of pics on my closet doors and i took them down today, and it actually made me sad, but i am really excited to see everyone, i've been praying forall of you. Thanks for all your prayers as well. This trip has really been amazing

~Shaylee

im back from easter camp

2006-04-17T17:54:00.000-06:00

so i just got back from easter camp and it was absolutely increadible.. ill post pics about it, but first i have a lot more to show you guys that was before easter camp.. so here is last week(which was my last week of school :( it was sad)

but anyways.. here is not last weekend but the weekend before, and last week....

I went to a footie game with juje and laura and here are some pics from it..

me and beautiful juje

It was really windy in laura's car..

at the mall... wow laura is a special one.......

bowling night out

I love my girls!

me and crazy

oh fun

me and em sitting on our wall, which is our fence, but its a wall.. anyways.. here it is

now for my last week of school... *tear*

me and matty i love that kid

me tess and leisha

aw im gonna miss these guys.. (laura adrian me mel and jess)

scott!!!!

girls in the fricker center

aw little danian(my canoo polo buddy)

2006-04-12T03:51:00.000-06:00

Sorry its taken me sooo long guys! but here are some more pictures! This is finishing off that weekend, its pics of the footie game on sat. then on sunday its youth then steven's surprise party..I wont be posting for a few days again sorry cause I'm going to Easter camp! But ill post more when I get back! well I hope you enjoy the pics! here they are

my first footie game (hugging the goal post)

me and em at the game

they hold up advertising signs imbetween each quarter....

put your game face on....

Now for sunday night!!!

SO we threw steven a surprise party and it was tons of fun.. so here are some pics from then

out of this world(no not space cadetts)

too cool to dance

we will rock you

im just so good at trend setting.. what can i say.. headbands made from streamers are hot...

bahahahahahaha

2006-04-04T02:52:00.000-06:00

SO i posted my sports day pictures.. now saturday.. saturday was crazy! it was my ausi dad's birthday, and so we went to lunch in this amazingly beautiful cafe up on a mountain.... which really is just a big hill compared to out mountains( it was called mount loftie) it was really cute! and then we went to clealand park, so much fun! it was just me cindy and brad cause em had to do work... but i wont say too much, i'll let my pics say all the talking for that one... haha, well after clealand park we went to a footie game, its a great sport! probably the best sport in the world! it is increadible! they have to be in such good shape to play, its amazing! ok here are pics from saturday:

on the way to mt loftie

a halarious van that can be rented out for the day, i just found it to be quite amusing!

me on top of mount loftie

me feeding my first kangaroo

he was spitting ALL OVER my hand

me and ozmond.. yeah we're tight

Me and mrs. and mr. hamilton(my aus parents)

Me feedin a mommy with a joey in her pouch.. i mean.. thats me.... yeah thats right.. its me in there

2006-04-04T02:27:00.001-06:00

More sports day photos! yay!!

soo hot

scott(in the green) he's my buddy

me and my guuurls!!

You're jeleous i know

Sports day

2006-04-03T06:06:00.000-06:00

So I had a CRAZY weekend.. Yeah.. It was soooo much fun! Thank you all for your prayers I feel much better now. So...... Since its really hard to get pictures up on here, I am gonna just post some pics of friday(sports day) on here, and post other days of the weekend tomorrow!! well here they are!

Me getting spray traced onto the ground!

Yup.. that me!!!

Itchy is our cop.. yeah.. i don't feel safe here anymore...

Ella Bella

that's rori, but you can just call her pappa smurf

my lovely juje

me and my girls!

oh em...

thats all for now.. i'll post more of my weekend, and more of sports day tomorrow!!!goodnight!!

So thankful

2006-04-01T21:45:00.001-07:00

Being here has been so amazing, and it's made me realize a lot of things. Its helped me realize that when I'm in the u.s. and I think there wont be a tomorrow, I just have to remember, it's already tomorrow in Australia. haha, just a little humor there for ya. But seriously it really has shown me how thankful I am for the life I live and how thankful I am for everyone at home. Its showed me that I have to best parents in the world. I am so thankful for my dad's sometimes ridiculous humor, and my mom who is not lazy AT ALL!!! Being here I've realized how much my mom really does, and she doesn't complain about it. just certain things that go on down here, not all the time bad, but it just shows me how lucky I really am. My dad works soo hard to keep our heads above the water and yet when he comes home from work, he is still involved in my life. I am so thankful for all my friends, and all the fellowship I have in my life. Go has blessed me with my church and my friends sooo much. Its hard being one of the maybe 15 total Christians at my school. Its amazing how much I have depended on God these past 2 weeks. If you think you have a hard life, or that your parents couldn't be bigger dorks.. Be thankful. God has a huge plan for your life, that may just not be part of your plan. Be open for criticism, and open to new and exciting opportunities! I just want to challenge everyone to do that this week. You really are lucky, and most wont get the experience I have to realize just how lucky they have it made. Don't waste another day, let the people you love most know you love them. I love you guys, and know you are in my prayers! IM having a great time here, I really am. Australia is an amazing place, and just sitting on the beach and having silence around and just the ocean sounds is absolutely incredible. Our God truly is an awesome God!

~Shaylee

im sick

2006-03-28T18:42:00.000-07:00

yeah it stinks! im in this gorgeous place with such an awesom oppurtunity laying at my feet.. and what do i do? i get sick... so im in bed right now writing this just to ask for prayers that i would get better so i can experience this amazing place. i just really want my mommy here to make me feel better. its hard to be sick and not have my mommy...:(.. well i guess thats just something i have to deal with to be down here.... well thats all.. so if you all could pray for me that would be great! thanks tons!

~Shaylee

more pics!

2006-03-28T03:08:00.000-07:00

the toilet flushing.. no they dont flush the other way they just flush down.. and they have a half flush and a whole flush.. dont ask why.. just think about it and yo uwill answere your question

Itchy before the beep test! hi itchy!!!!!

me in my bathroom

me on my deck!! soo pretty!(the sunset that is)

The stripes club... all the cool kids are doing it!

great friends in my house! go jeffreys!!!!woowoo!!!

the top three girls after the 3k! em teesh and lauren! em representin the americans and the jeffery's house! woowoo!!!

2006-03-28T01:39:00.000-07:00

so i have been trying to load pictures on here for DAYS now... this is litterally about my 17th time trying to get these on here, so i really hope it works........ hmmm.. lets see!! here goes nothin..

the funniest sign you will ever see in an airport.....

Laura with the wind in her hair on the way back from WEST VENTURE!!!! woowoo!!!

em's slap on the leg from a guy at west venture.. yeah it drew blood to the surface

my first sun set here is australia(from my deck)

Itchy!!!

Aww isnt that cute?!

reading on the beach.. yeah i took like 10 steps....

Em during the beep test.. beeeep beeeep beeeep

2006-03-25T23:05:00.000-07:00

so i'm here, and i've had a really good past couple of days. Friday was absolutely increadible. all praise be to god. i've been praying that god would use me and my time down here to be a whitness to all those i meet. well prayers are answered and in this case very quickly. I had school (which we had the beep test, which is a running test it was great fun to watch) friday and then bible study. well harry freeman came to pick me, em, and laura up and we went and canoed in the ocean. then we got back, and we decided to go bowling and it ended up jujst being me and freeman. I thought it would be akward, but god had something much bigger planned. We went bowling and had about 2 hours to kill. so we went to the beach and just went for a walk. we saw a lesbian couple and began to talk about being gay and my beleifs and everything. Now em has talked to me and told me harry is one of the hardest people to whitness to. wel we just sat down and talked for about 2 hours about god, and it was increadible!! God was with me that night. Satan was there also fighting back, but we all know who is stronger. So i was a little nervous that he might have felt that i forced it onto him, but when we pulled back up to my house, he just turned to me and said, "that was one of the best talks i've ever had with someone, thanks" it was great! it was a great night! well sat. i slept in then we went to west venture(a camp) and visited ith the year tens and it was a good time. then we came home and went to brents house which he was having a spa party and hat was lots of fun. we came home and now it is today. i went to church this morning and it was a really good serman. i have youth tonight, and yeah it should be fun.

there's no place like home

2006-03-22T22:41:00.000-07:00

today started off on a bad foot, and kind of continued to go that way... you see yesterday i got into a discussion with these two girls about the war in iraq and it was during a debate about the war. well i told em and then at dinner last night me and em told her mom about it. and yesterday during assembly the guy speaking old a joke, and a slow pittifull pitty clap started, so i leaned to em and said, aw the pitty clap, and a couple people around us heard and laughed. so we told her mom about that too. well this morning i got a talking to about being an embasador for america and for christ. Her mom told me that what i did may have come across as abnoxious, and thats what they expet from americans, and that even though im leaving em has to stay here, so i dont want to give america a bad name because "we dont want to make ems year harder for her then it already is" i dunno. i understood where she was coming from, but i wasnt at all being rude, i wouldnt dare do that my first week here! and it was just a really really low blow, and being homesick didnt help the case. then we went and picked up freeman and he had his criket bag and so i put it in the back seat for him and then i was trying to get it back there and it wasnt going so well, so em said, "dont hurt my car" and i thought she said it kind of harsh, and i was like "oh boo i wont" and she was like "oh boo.. yeah you try to re-sell this car...is the bag leaning on the back window? cause it cant, cause its plastic and it will rip." yeah i dunno, it wouldnt have hit me very hard, but after her my and her moms talk i was really hurt and didnt wanna have to deal with anything, and that just kinda hit me hard. im not gonna say everything her mom said, cause thats between me and her mom, but it was hurtfull. its just hard because i dont have anyone to talk to about problems. ive been praying a lot. its just hard to feel all alone ya know? I kinda just sat there and was silent today cause i was afraid to mess up again and be obnoxious. so everything is just kinda inside me, and its rough. i would really appr. some prayer. thanks guys, see ya soon

~Shaylee

so um about today

2006-03-21T01:06:00.000-07:00

so um yesterday was my first day of school and i absolutely love it! the campus is beautiful, and i love everyone here. They are a bit hevier, not hevy, but just not obsessed with their figures and fit as we are. Today people couldnt beleive that i am about average and that there are skinnier girls then me, and that its normal. lara was in complete shock that i was average, and not on the skinnier sides of things. But um anyways, freeman and em and me went to the beach yesterday and it was a blast i wish i had brought my camera. but um about school, i look quite dashing in the school uniforms if i do say so myself! haha, no.... no one could look good in the uniform, they are like potato sacks... hahahaa, its halarious.. ill post pictures for you sometime. But um today i got into a debate with these 2 girls in my aus studies class about the war in iraq, and it wasnt too bad they jujst had different opinions then me, and different veiws. One girl said that aus. was bullied into the war by america and that aus was fine and they didnt need to go into the war because terrorists werent bombing them, and when people are bring killed for the cause of terrorism over in iraq anyways, why send their people to get killed too. Oh she also said, there are other countries with starving problems or government problems yet bush isnt doing anything about that, yet he is bullying australia to go into war to fix this problem. I mean these girls are just ignorant. They dont even know anything about the war, yet they choose to have strong opinions about it.. it was interesting........ yeah um.. but on a happier note i et to watch the sun set every night from my living room and it is soooo pretty! they have the utest ouse they are sooo lucky to have this house on the beach! but um i gotta go do homework

Im here!

2006-03-18T21:26:00.000-07:00

i made it!!! im here! crazy i know. ity doesnt even feel like i shoul be here yet, but its def real. weird..... any ways, um its one of the most beautiful places i have ever been! it is gorgeous and the sunsets are beautiful. my house is towards the edge of my little town on the beach, at least at my party of the bay. My house is the cutest little beach house EVER! and it has amazing veiws. traveling yesterday went well. i slept almost the entire time sleeping, which was lovely! when i got to sydney it was rough cause my bags were massive and you have to take a bus from where you arive to the concord of your next flight and that was difficult by my self, but it was alright. my back kills though, from the flight and everything. But i have already been crazy busy. yesterday i got here took a shower then went to the mall, i met jugge, laura and ella. then we went to the boarding houses where jugge and ella live, then we went shopping again. then laura came over to borrow an outfit for the party last night, which she didnt end up going to, but she still has my shirt, but i dont mind. um then m and em and her dad went out to dinner, and its cute because if it is nice outside they open their walls of the resteraunt. well then we went to brents house and i met him and tom. tom is brittish. but um, we played pool then we went on his tennis court and emily was jumping over the net, and the guys climbed onto the neighbors roof....ya.... but um then we got home at like 11:30 then i went to bed. then i didnt wake up till like 11 which was nice, then me and em's parents went to lunch while she did her homework. then we went and looked at model homes, and now i am home again, and writing this bllog! woohoo! but um i better get going, i have a lot of unpacking to do, as wel as e-mailing people, so i love you guys, and thanks for all your prayers! god bless

~Shaylee

from one extreme to the next

2006-03-14T23:07:00.000-07:00

last time i wrote, i was just ready to get out of here, but now it is the total opposite.... I am extremely excited to go, im just really stressed out on what i have to get done before i go, and i am feeling sick to my stomach thinking of being on my own for the first time. ya know what sucks even more? im gonna get this feeling once again when i go off to college.... hmmmm..... but um i've had a hard past couple of nights, ok really hard.... ive just been sitting in my room crying. I feel sooo lonely. My emotions are so mixed. I kinda feel like no one cares that im leaving. There are a select few, but not many people have actually cared. I've been really nervous about the plane... no its not the first time ive flown, or even flown over seas, but i keep thinking that this is my last time to see people. Its a weird feeling. I feel like i am saying goodbye for good. Scary but somewhere in my gut, its just saying that. I may be completely wrong, and i hope i am, but i dunno... im just having a hard time saying goodbye to people, and not feeling loved by very many... well if u all could pray for my flight and my trip i would really appreciate it.

On a happier note i got a new camera today that i love!!!!

im so sick of this, and im ready to leave!!!

2006-02-28T23:41:00.000-07:00

i could just go crazy! i so could right now, and im on the verge..... Im really sick of being judged, and im sick of being a hypocrite! Im sick of people thinking things of me that are soooo completely far from the truth it is unbeleivable! I cant even stand drama! Im sorry but i hate a lot of younger girls right now! they have NO CLUE what they are talking about. Gossip can def. be soooo hurtfull!!! and i have def. been a victom of it this week.. im ready to go to australia, im ready to leave! My brain is about to explode with frustration! Uh! I hate when someone starts a rumor about you, and i hate it when people actually beleive it... it SUCKS! let me tell you!! im trying really hard to focus on god, and get ready for my trip and praying and just putting everything in his hands, but when the devil is attacking and attacking me i cant stand it.... i think im gonna write a poem.. yeah i am.. here it goes

What is inside,
Is not seen on the outside,
What is true,
Is masked with lies,

No one sees the good,
When they focus on the bad,
All the good things God does for us,
How many bad times have we truly had?

Why am i so misunderstood?
Why cant i seem to do anything right?
Why cant satan go away,
Why cant i win the fight?

God has more power then I,
Yet I try to control my life,
Why do these things happen,
Why do i go through such strife?

I've been through things like this before,
Ive had this through my past,
Why cant i grow and move on,
How long will this last?

When will everyone grow up,
When will I stop being a hypocrite,
Why is there no passion,
When will this fire be lit

I cant do this on my own,
But i cant depend on others,
I thought we were in a family of christ,
I thought they were my sisters and brothers,

Yet i am judged,
And pushed around,
Im kicked away,
and shoved to the ground,

Feelings dont matter anymore,
We have learned to be ammuned to stabs in the heart,
Love used to be sweet,
Why has that beautiful taste turned sour and tart,

Giving advice is never taken the right way,
Someone always talks back,
they all have something to say,

I cant share what im feeling,
It will be turned right back onto me,
why can noone hear something concerning themselves,
without pointing the spotlight onto me, onto something i already see,

Prayer for this is on my mind,
and in my heart,
Im ready to leave,
Im sick of being torn apart

ok.. well thats my poem... im not gonna go back and proofread or anything, cause thats what i was feeling in the past ten minutes of writing it.... so i guess thats all,, if you can pray for me that would be cool..... well i guess thats all

so im pretty much excited....

2006-02-27T12:46:00.000-07:00

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!! 17 days till i leave for australia, and i am sooo excited! but i am soo nervous! when i think about it i feel sick to my stomach! i get so many butterflies!!!! but i am really excited! im gonna be livin on the beach and it will be amazing!!! i am soo excited to see em! but i am really nervous to be away from all you for that long.. six weeks! it may not seem like that long.. but trust me it is. i know it will fly cause i'll be having tons of fun.. but its still a really long time to be away from home.... im gonna miss you guys! im really gonna miss my boy :( but i guess whatever God has planned for us is what is right. Im not to worried about it cause i really care bout him and he really cares about me and its not like we wont talk or anything during the trip.. no we will, and six weeks arent going to change all my feelings for him. I am really excited to see what god has in stoor for me there. I really hope that i can be a good example for everyone there!! I will miss you guys like crazy!

is a lie a lie?

2006-02-25T22:50:00.000-07:00

ok first off i want everyone to remember that all sin is created equal in god's eyes, therefor all lies are as well..... Well.. hmm.. here we go.. this will be interesting what you guys have to say...

When you are telling a lie, and you dont know it isnt the truth, is it still a lie? Like say you beleive that one of your friends is still a virgin. So someone asks you if they are a virgin, and you say yes, when in reality they could not be a virgin and they had just lied to you about it. Ok.. well lets take it one step further. Say you were someone of another religion. You had grown up in a home only taught what your family beleived in a very strict styled living. You were never told that what you beleived wasnt true, because you werent aloud to learn of other religions or beleifs then those of your religion. So you never doubted your faith and you never heard the true gospel. So you share what you beleive, when really you could be lying the whole time, with beleiving that what you are saying is the truth. Is that a lie?

Well I've been thinking about sharing my faith a lot, and i've taken pretty much any oppourtunity i have gotten to do so. And ive also been learning about other religions and faiths and thats why i stand strong in what i beleive in. I know mine is truth, even through learning all the rest, and being presented with lies. See what i called them... lies..... but they dont know they are lying, they beleive it is the truth, thats all they have ever known to be the truth, and thats why they speak it. SO when they speak their truth, is that a lie in gods eyes, are they sinning?

aaaaaaaaahhhh!!!!!

2006-02-20T20:27:00.000-07:00

yay!!! so my aunt and uncle are pregnant with their first child!!!aaaaaah!! i am sooo excited! my uncle mike is the funnest guy you will ever meet in your whole life and his wife christy is halarious, and they are going to be the best parents ever!! i am sosososososo excited for him, he has always wanted kids soooo bad, and now he will finally have one!!! aww yay!!! they are already 13 weeks, and they kept it a secret for this long! my grandaddy cried when he found out! it was soooo cute! i am so excited! its really funny because they found out on christmas day and we were all giving them a hard time. we were all saying"when are ya gonna have a baby?" and just giving them a hard time, and they knew, and they are absolutely amazing at keeping secrets! i am so excited!! so if everyone could pray that the pregnancy would go well, i would really appreciate it!!!

god bless,

~me

ausi, not so sure

2006-02-16T22:35:00.000-07:00

so im kinda depressed.. yeah...... i got an e-mail from emily's mom(the fam. i will be staying with in ausi) and she didnt sound so sure about my coming. Because of my health and everything. I will be going to school with em, and em will be studying a lot, also mrs. hamilton will be in school as well.... I am not feeling like i am welcome. i dont know.. i was sooooooo excited, now i feel like a huge burden. I would love to go, but if this isnt what god has planned for me right now, its what i will have to deal with. Im so upset. I dont know how to deal with it. well i do.. its just hard. ive been prayin bout it lots...

~Shaylee

so more about my trips

2006-02-16T00:50:00.000-07:00

hmmmmmm.. i read my posts, and i realised that i didnt really say what my trips are.. so um.... Australia.. I will be a foriegn exchange student...i am leaving on the march 16th and will be back around april 28th, then for royal servants i will be leaving on the 25th of june and i will be gone for 7 weeks, im going on euroquest, and i will be traveling to about 13 different countries in europe. so thats exciting!!!! but um i did laura's hair and makeup today for her saidies and that was fun! i love doing peoples hair and makeup! but um, thats all.. i kinda feel like im dying right now.. just cause i need to eat...... im shaky and not feelin so good... so im gonna go eat, and if you could pray for me that would be great.. sorry if anything is spelt funny or looks funny, i cant exactly type....

well god bless..

Shaylee

so valentines day was amazing

2006-02-16T00:44:00.000-07:00

i hope you all had a great valentines day, i know i did!!! oh my gosh. This past year has been such an amazing growing experience for me, i dont even know how to explain it. God has reveiled so much about me it has been so increadible. Tough, yes, but increadible. I look back no on the hard times i have had, and i see god, and he amazes me. I didnt see god then, but i really do now. I just want to ask for prayer for australia, imleaving on the 16th. i also want to ask for prayer for my royal servants trip that god would just lead me on that trip , and that he would give me the support i need to go. Well i hope you all had a wonderful valentines day! God bless!

~Shaylee

wow its been a long time!!!

2006-02-02T15:25:00.000-07:00

Holy cow! Its been forever!!! But im gonna start this back up, so i can post when im in australia too!!! yay!! yeah, thats right! im goin to australia!!! im so excited! Ill be staying with emily hamilton's family, and going to her school, and by the way.. wearing an amazingly awesome uniform that you wish you had.. yeah, you're jeleous, dont even pretend.... no but hmmm.. what has been happening lately.... well me and rocky got back together, yay!! we had our 6 month not too long ago, and we are really happy! um i've had kind of a hard time lately accepting death, and people going to hell, so if you all could pray for me, i ould REALLY appreciate it, but um i love you all, and i hope you have an amazing week!!!!

~Shaylee~

ok then

2005-11-03T17:46:00.000-07:00

I know I know, its been a really really long time since i've posted, but oh well there is nothing i can do about it now.... anyways.. lately i have been really struggling. I miss the clossness i have hadwith people in the past. A lot of this is brought on by not having my sister around. Ive been really lonely. I have been praying about it constantly and im looking forward to this weekend so i can just figure things out. I have a couple people already waiting to talk to me at the retreat, and im really excited to work things out, yeah its gonna be rough, but its gonna be good. On the up side, happy anniversary to me and laura on monday!! yay little laura! And i got to go visit libby, who i really really miss, and i talked to my sister, and on top of all that news, rocky told me he loves me! yup big news!!!!!yay, he's cute!!! But yeah, i guess thats my life lately. Yup thats all....

Fond memories

2005-10-05T12:19:00.000-06:00

Over the past few years essp. I have grown so much, and I have a lot of memories so I wanted to make a post that showed some of them. So heres some pics of some of my fondest memories:

My first church retreat:

8th grade feild trip to the mansion

Mississippi:

Chicago:

Matamoros:

Fun family memories:

Winter retreat:

I saw Charlie & the Chocolate Factory again today

2005-09-25T20:13:00.000-06:00

Good morning Star-shine the earth says "HELLO!"

Remember

2005-09-21T20:07:00.000-06:00

So these past few days have been really really rough. As most of you know I broke up with Rocky last Friday. I broke up with him because I felt as if God was laying it on my heart that he needed my full and undivided attention. So I broke up with Rocky and that night I had a talk with Nathan. It was seriously one of the best, if not the best, conversation with someone spiritually that I have ever had, and God blessed me with that. But I broke up with Rocky still loving him. Yes, I love him. Am I IN LOVE WITH HIM? No, not at this point in my life, but I do love him. I care about him so much and breaking up with him was without a doubt one of the hardest things I have ever done. I shocked him when I did it, and I hurt him really really badly. I feel terrible. It's tearing me up inside knowing I hurt him like that. I had my talk with Nathan and I talked to Rocky the next morning, because God needed me that night but I felt as though God had shown me what he needed to, and now Rocky was really meant to be in my life. But I just hurt him to badly, that he said he couldn't do it. He couldn't be scared that I would do that to him again. So this has been really really difficult for me but, this isn't what he wants. He doesn't want to be with me, and he deserves better. But thinking about him with someone else kills me. I cant even imagine me with any other person, but I know I need to move on. He's moving on, I know he is, and I know its for the better, but Its just sooooo rough knowing that because I hurt him so badly, I'll never get to be with him again. He's still an amazing best friend to me, and I'm trying to be strong. It's just hard. Caring for someone the way I cared and care about him and knowing I hurt him, just makes me break down. He's been really strong through this, I really wish I could be too. I see the positives of me and him still being best friends as we are, but soon I will be hearing about his new crushes, and other girls having crushes on him, and I don't want that. I want him back, but I know I have to move on. I don't want to have feelings for someone who doesn't want to be with me. I don't want to have feelings for my best friend, because I know that will get in the way of our friendship. He's been really realistic about the whole thing, and I think I just need to be too. I cant just wait around wishing he would someday want me back, because all I would get is sadness and disappointment. But just sitting around wanting him back, hating every girl who came around him, would make me, well, the jealous ex. I don't wanna be that, and I don't want to beg him to be with me either. I'm not a desperate girl, and I don't plan on being one. I just want him to want to be with me, and its been tough for me not having that. Your first love is hard. I know that now. I guess my first love is now something to just be remembered

Not to fun

2005-09-20T18:45:00.000-06:00

Well today was beyond crappy. But oh well, what can I do about it. For all you out there, just a little bit of advice: don't try to take on surgery, break up with your boyfriend, miss soccer, miss school, try to mend friendships, have another family stay with you, have homecoming, and be sick all in the same week. It's to much stress

my life

2005-09-19T13:32:00.000-06:00

Everybody wants a little piece of my time
But still I put you at the end of the line
How it breaks my heart to cause you this pain
To see the tears you cry fallin' like rain

Give me the chance to prove
And I'll make it up to you
I still believe in you
With a love that will always be
Standing so strong and true
Baby I still believe in you and me

Somewhere along the way, I guess I just lost track
Only thinkin' of myself never lookin' back
For all the times I've hurt you, I apologize
I'm sorry it took so long to finally realize
Give me the chance to prove
That nothing's worth losing you

I still believe in you
With a love that will always be
Standing so strong and true
Baby I still believe in you and me

Ive been reading a lot of songs lately, and i dont even know where this one came from, but i read it and started balling.

2005-09-18T13:04:00.000-06:00

I got bored:

World on fire

2005-09-18T12:23:00.000-06:00

I changed the name of my blog, and it's after this song. My life has been crazy lately, and this song pretty much says it all:

World on Fire by Sarah McLachlan:

The worlds on fire its more then I can handle
Ill tap into the water try and bring my share
Try to bring more, more then I can handle
Bring it to the table
Bring what I am able

Hearts are worn in these dark ages
Youre not alone in these stories pages
The light has fallen amongst the living and the dying
And Ill try to hold it in
Yeah Ill try to hold it in

The worlds on fire its more then I can handle
Ill tap into the water try and bring my share
Try to bring more, more then I can handle
Bring it to the table
Bring what I am able

I watch the heavens but I find no calling
Something I can do to change whats coming
Stay close to me while the skys falling
I dont wanna be left alone dont wanna be alone

The worlds on fire its more then I can handle
Ill tap into the water try and bring my share
Try to bring more, more then I can handle
Bring it to the table
Bring what I am able

Hearts break hearts mend love still hurts
Visions clash planes crash still theres talk of
saving souls still colds closing in on us

We part the veil on our killer sun
Stray from the straight line on this short run
The more we take the less we become
The fortune of one man means less for some

The worlds on fire its more then I can handle
Ill tap into the water try and bring my share
Try to bring more, more then I can handle
Bring it to the table
Bring what I am able

Im a big fan of Sarah McLachlan and this is another song of hers that reflects me right now:

Fallen:

Heaven Bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told I tried my best
But somewhere long the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
But the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here and
Tell me I told you so

We all begin out with good intent
When love is raw and young
We believe that we can change ourselves
The past can be undone
But we carry on our back the burdens time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
I've held so dear

Though I've tried I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here and
Tell me I told you so

Heaven bend to take my hand
I've nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to these I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turn their heads embarrassed
Pretend that they don't see
That it's one wrong step one slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem away to be redeemed

Though I've tried I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here and
Tell me I told you so
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here and
Tell me I told you so

And a song by Ginny Owens:

If you want me to:

The pathway is broken and the signs are unclear
And I dont know the reason why you brought me here
But just because you love me the way that you do
Im gonna walk through the valley
If you want me to

Cause Im not who I was
When I took my first step
And Im clinging to the promise
Youre not through with me yet
So if all of these trials
Bring me closer to you
Then I will go through fire if you want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
when you lead me through a world thats not my home
but you never said it would be easy
you only said Id never go alone
you oooh oh.

So when the whole world turns against me and
Im all by myself
and I cant hear you answer my cries for help
Ill remember the sufferin your love put you through
And I will go through the valley If you want me to.

Well Yeah.. I dunno what else to say, so I guess that is that

Homecoming

2005-09-16T20:52:00.000-06:00

Im going to homecoming stag this year

2005-09-15T19:58:00.000-06:00

Well I had surgery yesterday and it went pretty smoothly but I'm pretty exhausted and soar. I look like a chipmunk too. Which is weird cause I'm on all types of swelling meds, but somehow I can only open my mouth to like 3/4 of an inch opening, at the biggest. So yeah..... Yesterday was also Rocky's and mine 2 month, we didn't do anything but I don't even think he knows that.. Oh well.......Its not that big of a deal, its only the two month not like a huge anniversary. But um he hasn't asked me to homecoming yet, and I don't know if he's going to...... I don't know if I should just assume we r going together or what... I was kinda hopin he would ask me in a cute way or somethin, but I'm not gonna get my hopes up, cause i think we're just gonna go together and he doesn't really HAVE to ask me.. So yeah. Well homecoming is in a week, and at first when all my drama was going on I wasn't excited AT ALL but now I'm about to like pee my pants IM so excited! God really did bless me when he showed me I needed to change some things in my life, and its been great so far! I'm so much more happy with everything now, and I'm on my way to being the whole happy me again! So yay, right now is just kinda celebration time for me! Well I will probably post somethin tomorrow cause Ill be gome still.. so you will hear from me then!! Have a great night!

2005-09-13T10:37:00.000-06:00

So i've missed so much school already I cant even beleive it! And tomorrow I'm getting my wisdom teeth out, and I'm not to excited. I wish I didnt have to miss school for it! Holy cow and a half! But I do have to say, this past week, and esspecially last night, I cut out so much drama out of my life, and to tell the truth I feel so much more happy and relaxed. My life is going so much better. All I had to change was the time. The time I spent withthings. Instead of trying to change everything in 5 seconds and actually creating more drama; I've learned to take the time and relax, and that's really helped. Well pray for me tomorrow if you can, I am getting them out at 8:00 am so yeah. Well I hope allof you have an awesome week!

Drama

2005-09-11T16:47:00.000-06:00

So I'm really sick of drama, cause at the moment it is all around me in my life, which a lot(if not most) I brought upon myself, so I have decided I am going to try and stop it with all means necessary because no one wants or needs drama, and I especially cant stand it. So you are my witnesses that from here on out, I am going to try everything within my power to stop the drama around me!

2005-09-11T16:29:00.000-06:00

So when I get really upset, I pray and journal, but when I get REALLY upset I draw. So this week there has been so much drama and crap in my life that I drew a lot, so here's just one pic. I drew.. I drew it just on a pastel board with a michanical pencil. It's not very good, but yeah here it is:

What do you do when you get really upset? I wanna hear from you

I hate spam!!!

2005-09-04T21:50:00.000-06:00

I hate spam... I keep getting responses to my posts, then I go to read them, only to find that its just spam..... Oh joy. So I though rocky was going to be not grounded anymore this weekend...But nope...I'm still lonely little me....But I got to see him today which I don't know if it made it better or worse, cause I miss him so freaking much, and today just made me realize that more.. Sweet.. I know its freaking awesome.. Yeah no. But um on the good side, I didn't have a game this weekend. That was a definite plus. So yeah.. I'm pretty frustrated right now, cause I want my boyfriend back, and I really sick of soccer, and we have only had one official game.. But we have played in 3 tournaments, and had tons of pre season training.. So I've still got a long time till its over...

It's Friday. I'm sick. I'm bored. And my boyfrind's grounded

2005-09-02T14:06:00.000-06:00

Sweet! this has not been a fun week. I'm sick(as you could see in the title). I missed school today. Yesterday i found out that I have to get my wisdom teeth removed. I had fitness training monday tuesday and wed. and that sucked esspecially cause I've been sick all week. And to top it all off, I havent seen Rocky since last sunday. Well that's pretty much my week.... I hope this weekend is better!!!

ME, well according to this website

2005-08-09T23:17:00.000-06:00

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.-I think this one is true

You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think.-I care, but not really

You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many acquaintances.-Yeah kind of, but no, at school I have so many acquaintances but not really any one best friends, and I know lots of people at church.. I dunno

You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable. -Exactly me

Please read the whole thing

2005-08-09T23:16:00.000-06:00

Well, um IM guessing this is going to be a long post, because I have a lot to say... Sorry I will try to say it all in the shortest way possible. Its been a really long time since I last posted and I have some stories...

Since last time, Ive been to camp, been to Utah, gotten a hospital room named after me, Ive been to another hospital(if you don't know the story, just ask and I can explain it later, but for now, im tryin to keep it short), and school starts on Friday.

So here's what I really wanted to post about. I need prayer for quite a few different things... Deep things that Im kinda scared to share.. But I know for you guys that usually read this, I want you to know, and I would really appreciate your prayer. Ok so here it goes...

Last year at school really really sucked, I hated it more then anything, and with school closely approaching im getting a depressed feeling inside that I don't know what to do with it. Its a little bit of fear, a lot of worry, and just part me being sad summer is over. Im afraid because I do get along with mostly everyone at my school.. But that doesn't mean I like any of them. Im not myself at school, I get depressed, Im very anti-social, and I just don't like it. I don't like the people there, and Ive been praying a lot about switching schools. Ive talked to my counselor, and I love my counselor, we get along so well.... I know im a loser, but my counselor has to be one of the people at my school I feel closest with. She doesn't want me to leave, she wants me to try to stay there and stick it out. But that's not what highschool should be about, I shouldn't have to feel like im "sticking it out". Ive been praying about it so much, and I feel as though im getting no response. Im worried for a few reasons. When school starts that's when the fighting at my house starts. And its gone get worse this year. My sister is going off to college, and Im here, I have to deal with it on my own...

Im also been thinking about me and Rocky, well more of me. Ive been trying to figure out for a long time if this is love. I care about him more then I have ever cared about a guy. I asked you guys if you believed in love in highschool for a reason. But I just don't know. I care about him so much. This is SO different from my other relationships and i REALLY REALLY care about him, and I don't want it to end, I really don't. Being able to see eachother almost everyday has been amazing and he is my best friend(along with Laura of course) and I can share anything and everything with him.. But I don't exactly know where he stands, that's what Im worried about. Im 15.. I don't want to put all my emotional feelings into a relationship, if this isn't what God has planned for me... But that's the thing, I know God planned this for me, for us. I don't even know how to say what I'm feeling. I know he cares about me. I really do. But it's hard for me. He tells me he cares about me every day... But I just wander does he care for me how he could care for other girls down the road. But I don't wanna think about him with anyone else.. I don't even want to think about me with anyone else... I want to be with him. I don't know. Just the way he looks at me makes me care about him more and more each day. I need your prayer because I know God has us together for a reason. And I haven't been in enough relationships to tell exactly what love is.. But I do know that if this isn't love, its deffinetly a lot like it. I guess I'll be able to tell exactly what this is based on where God takes us. Its just I know my feelings for him are strong, and I care about him so much. But I don't want to say I love you until Im fully completely sure. And right now Im not, well I dont know if I am. Its just every time I am with him I want to blurt out the words I love you, but then I have to remember I'm only 15, and I got a long way to go in life,and I don't want to be the first one to say it. I know that sounds stupid to some people but I really honestly won't say I love you first. I am very old fashioned, but thats just the way I am. Its just really hard for me not being in the driver seat of my feelings. Not being sure if he will feel the same way tomorrow. And saying I love you is a huge commitment, and Im only 15. Do you see this, do you see what Im doing? All my thoughts are jumbled up inside! I need to stop. I need to stop thinking about it and just think about it one day at a time. HOLY COW AND A HALF!!!!! I just need prayer that Im able to figure everything out and get my thoughts strait. And pray for my family, and school, and I think that's it. And please, if you feel that you have anything to say, no matter what, even if it will make me cry, please say it. I want to hear what you have to say. I have some more prayer requests, but I think these ones I will pray on my own for a while then ask for your help. Well I guess that's it.... Sorry for all my drama.... But yeah...

Super Summer and Utah

2005-07-23T21:17:00.000-06:00

Well I'm off in two days to go on some majorly fun trips! Well super summer is a camp that my church goes to every summer, and I haven't been for a long time, so I am really excited to see what God is going to do with me there, and how I am going to grow. I am really really excited! I know that last time I went it really changed me, for the better, and I am hoping it does the same this time. Then I leave on the last day of super summer with Laura and go to Utah with her family. I am sooo excited. These next two weeks are going to be a blast!!!

So me sister and I ran from the cops today.....

2005-07-21T22:42:00.000-06:00

Well I haven't posted in a while, so I thought I would just tell this only kind of interesting story I have.... Ok so my sister and I went shopping today, and after we went to kohls, and I got amazing perfect fitting jeans, we went home. Well on our way home, my sister was going 60 in a 45, and we were in the right lane, and a cop turned right, into our lane... yeah, uh oh... Well the light in front of us turned yellow just in time for us to make it through, but not the cop.... So she slowed down to the speed limit, and turned into the nearest neighborhood, and we went really far into the neighborhood, and sat there for like 10 minutes... Isn't that exciting?! Well ok, it's not that exciting, but I don't really have any other stories, and at the moment, it was freaking hilarious!

Birthday Party!!!

2005-07-16T14:53:00.000-06:00

So last night was Rocky's birthday party, and I had lots and lots of fun!! If you didnt go, you def. missed out!! Well my day started out really frustrating, and i got to rocky's house like an hour and a half after i was supposed to be there, cause of weather, and traffic, and i was just so upset when i got there. But seeing him, and everyone else that came def. cheered me up! We had a bbq, then we danced a little bit, well me lyndsey and debbie did... then we opened presants, well he opened presants.. then we watched 10 things i hate about you, and me and lyndsey hid thomas' car. then we had cake, which was a really cool cake by the way, yeah i picked it out! i know im cool! then we went to the park, and that was soooooo much fun! it was also very romantic...... if ya know what i mean.... anyways, then we went back to Rocky's and said goodbye to everyone, and all the girls that were left spent the night!! I had so much fun last night, it was so perfect, i just had a blast! I hope everyone else did too

YAY!!!!

2005-07-14T22:52:00.000-06:00

We are now a couple(me and rocky)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so happy! today was a great day!

His birthday!

2005-07-13T17:07:00.000-06:00

Its his birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hooray!!!

Is this real?

2005-07-12T10:57:00.000-06:00

tell me what you think

Along comes the hate

2005-07-12T10:25:00.000-06:00

Well since I made a couple love lists, I thought I would make a hate list as well.

1. Chest hair
2. When guys have dress pants and when they sit down they are like 7 inches to short and you can see their socks
3. Ear wax
4. When people are annoyed with me. I hate that more then anything in the world. I feel so unwanted, young, and stupid. It makes me feel SO out of place.
5. When people call me annoying
6. When people fight. When the yelling begins it scares me
7. Being home alone at night
8. Getting injured during soccer season
9. When I spill my heart out to people and their minds are off in lala land
10. Jealous type people in relationships. If you cant trust them, and you get jealous all the time, why are you with them?
11. When my parents are disappointed in me
12. School
13. Allergies
14. Soccer practice when I don't want to go.
15. Bickering
16. When people get into fights they aren't even supposed to be part of, but they butt into your business anyways
17. Feeling alone
18. After I work out and the sweat dries and its like gritty and REALLY gross feeling
19. When people tell my secrets
20. When guys wear girls pants, or girls wear clothes too small for them

Nothing but me and the pavement

2005-07-11T22:16:00.000-06:00

Im angry again
The emotions build
I take off

The tst tst tst of the water
I hear in my ears
I pass it
It becomes further and further as time goes on

Now there is nothing
Silence

But then it dawns on me
There is a sound
A pounding

My heal touches the ground
The pounding acts like a war
It is my foot against the pavement

The wind passes by me
Like its whispering
It is calling me
Its pushing me harder and faster

Its like nothing in the world matters now
But me and the pavement

My ankles lock
My foot pointed up
A feeling of pain and discomfort
But my body pushes through
Im at the top

A feeling of accomplishment comes over me
I made it
I keep going

The little hills ahead of me bring my body up and down, up and down
I feel my emotions doing the same
Its as if the earth understands me
As if that path was made just for me

I see each block of concrete
Each as a problem or an emotion to overcome
I see the next taunting me
Making me only push harder

I overcome each
Never stopping to look or worry
Or to think I cant get by it,
Get through it

Each block I pass takes a piece of me
A piece of anger
A piece of emotion

I am now almost emotionless
I feel every last muscle working
All I can feel is me
My body
My movement

Nothing outside but me
The moon
The stars
The wind
Everything is beautiful

Its as if God chose this night
This moment
Just for me
For no one else

The only sounds,
My feet hitting the pavement
My breath hitting the nights sky

I breath in 2 out 2
A rhythm I have never before stopped to notice

Its great to be alone with the road
The road doesn't judge me,
Doesn't care of all my imperfections
Its just me and the pavement

I never stopped, not once
Never once thought of quitting

Home at last
An hour has passed
Though it felt like only a moment
Im not so angry anymore

A feeling of refreshment is in my body
The thoughts cross my mind of:

I need to treat my problems
As the next block of concrete
I need to never look back
To always push through

To treat God as the wind and the road
Calling me to him, never judging, always loving and accepting
Ready, waiting for the next time I return to him
Home in heaven

To treat life as the moon and the stars above
Treat it like it was beautiful,
To be proud of myself,
To shine among my bothers and sisters

To treat everything as a run,
No matter how tough,
No matter how painful
No matter how many ups and downs I go through
In the end, I will arrive at home

~Shaylee Pyle, July 11 at 11:03 PM

His b-day party

2005-07-11T15:37:00.000-06:00

This friday(the 15th) is Rocky's birthday party at his house from 6- whenever(latest midnight), hope to see ya there

My super Power!!!!

2005-07-11T12:22:00.000-06:00

So on austins blog he has this link to where you can find out what your super power would be if you could have one... here is my result and the reasoning... read the reasoning, it kinda really does remind me of well.. me

Your power is: The ability to fly

Explanation: This powers speaks pretty much for itself. Though you don't need wings for this power,you can fly anyway. Some people may consider it as telekinesis since they can also fly, but you can't make material things move like they can. This ability could be a relaxing activity when you want to get away from everyday troubles. Also it is good when sneaking upon an enemy since it makes no sound. When going over to the "dark side" the power could be used to harrass and break into building through windows etc. You are quite similar to this power since you like to have your head in the clouds. Supernatural things amuse while ordinary life does not. If your daydreaming has gotten a little too far you might be zooned out all the time, even when you are having a conversation. Your desires and/or goals tend to be unrealistic even if you know those would probably never happen. Travelling is something you would be interested in doing since seeing exotic scenery fits with your fantasies of escaping your plain life. You can also have some creative ability (writer, playing an instrumen etc) that interests you.

Negative aspects: The whole reason you may be escaping life could be fear of being let down by it. So if that would come to happen, and an important dream had been crushed you could get depressed.

If you wanna find out, go here:
http://quizilla.com/users/PainfulBliss/quizzes/What%20Power%20is%20Compatible%20With%20You%3F/

My first picture post!!!

2005-07-09T23:32:00.000-06:00

Me and Laura!!!Hooray!!!!

Another love list

2005-07-09T23:15:00.000-06:00

well, i have though of some more things i love, and i wanted to write them down, and i think this will become a little tradition.... i dunno, maybe..... well here it is:

1. The smell of rain
2. When someone you love has been gone for a long time, and then that first smell of them you get, and right when you smell it for the first time, you know everything is right. You know you are home, or it hits you just then that they are home.
3. The smell of cologne
4. Watching little kid movies that I havent watched in a long long time, and having all my memories from that movie when i was a little kid rush back into my mind
5. Having something terrible turn out to be the greatest growing experience of my life
6. Doing peoples hair and makeup
7. Getting any tan possible (cause if i even get some, its a miracle)
8. Dancing!
9. Looking at the stick on stars on my ceiling before i go to bed, and make faces out of them in my mind
10. Looking at all my old stuffed animals
11. Going back to New Mexico and seeing how everyone has changed
12. Going on missions trips
13. Going on church retreats
14. Finding someone you wanna be with for a really long time, and knowing you mean something to them
15. Getting really random text messages
16. The healing power of shopping (or just shopping in general)
17. Making Laura try clothes on that she says she doesnt like and wont ever wear, then after she trys them on loves them and ends up buying them....
18. Wearing a new outfit that makes me feel really cute(even though i may not look that cute, but i dont care, its just the way i feel i look)
19. Praying as a whole youth group every sunday
20. Feeling refreshed when i have a really good nights rest
21. Taking random deep breaths, it just feels good
22. Taking retarded pictures
23. Not wearing makeup and wearing sweat pants while its raining, and just watching the rain, while drinking hot tea
24. Looking at the stars
25. Going to parks
26. Finding clothes i forgot i had, and trying them on only to find they still fit perfectly
27. Being in a big city but feeling like im in a small town
28. Being in small towns period.
29. Looking at houses
30. Looking through my memory box
31. Being right (cause i am all the time.... yeah thats right)
32.Pumpkin bread
33. Cooking and baking
34. Getting cards in the mail
35. Going on vacation to places i've never been before
36. Looking at wedding stuff, essp. dresses
37. Getting ready for homecoming
38. The word cute
39. Working on cars with my brother and my dad
40. Tasting the forbidden fruit(in other words anything im allergic to, even though i feel like crap afterwards, i still tastes good)
41. When my parents tell me they love me
42. Going to bed after a long day, which im gonna do right now, so goodnight everyone!! you will hear from me soon!!

Its all good

2005-07-09T19:50:00.000-06:00

Well we talked, and yeah, accoring to him it was just a bad week, and he still wants to be with me. that makes me feel good, cause i really still want to be with him, and care about him so much and i cant wait, just 4 more days!!! hooray!!!

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!!!

2005-07-08T16:13:00.000-06:00

AHHHHH he is so frustrating sometimes........ I like really wanna talk to him and see him and what not, and this past wekk he hasnt wanted to do anything that has to do with me...its like he doesnt even wanna be with me anymore, I dont know, maybe this week is just a bad week, but it sure hasnt made me feel very good...

2005-07-07T22:36:00.000-06:00

OH I forgot one...

ANYTHING DISNEY!!!!!!

2005-07-07T22:16:00.000-06:00

So after reading Laura and Rocky's lists of thing they love, I decided I wanna do that too. So here it is, these are the things I love:

1. When my sister is really freaking funny and random and makes me want to pee my pants cause i'm laughing so hard.
2. When my brother picks me up upside down and we have different wars(like scratching or wrestling).
3. When I call my firends and they just take the time to listen and care.
4. Hanging out with my church friends.
5. Being the Princess(yup i said it, Im the princess)
6. The way Rocky looks at me.
7. My oil lamp in my room that smells amazing!
8. Hearing someone say that they will pray for me
9. That no matter how frustrated I get with Rocky, that he is so darn cute that I could never hate him.
10. Playing soccer(essp. in the pouring rain)
11. Arizona green tea
12. When my friends are just so darn retarded that I know I can be myself around them.
13. Getting really slap happy with Laura!!
14. Telling secrets knowing the other person will keep them
15. That when i least expect it, God blesses me beyond beleif
16.When I am upset, and I dont even have to say a word, and someone just holds me while I cry
17. Taking bubble baths
18. The text messages I get everynight from Rocky saying goodnight
19. Imagining couples in my mind(I get in trouble for that a lot)
20. Sleeping...
21. Painting, cause its really relaxing
22. When people play with my hair
23. Playing with peoples hair
24. Giving back massages(but only sometimes)
25. When there isn't any fighting at my house
26. Going on church retreats
27. When my prayers are answered.

Stuff

2005-07-05T21:48:00.000-06:00

Oh my goodness, what to do.... I am so increadibly bored. I really wanted to do something with Rocky tonight, and when we talked last night, he said he would see me tomorrow. well it's tomorrow, and we arent doin nothin. It doesnt bother me that he wants to hang out with just him and the boys sometimes, but if you dont wanna see me, dont lie and say you do. Ya know? Well I just talked to him a little bit ago, and just to be completely honest, it kinda hurt my feelings(I hate the word "feelings" but I didnt know what else to say) that he just didnt wanna see me, or talk to me, or nothin. Just I really wanna see him, and I took the time to get ready and stuff, but that was for nothing. It just sucks when you wanna see someone a lot, and you get ready to see them, and you are all excited, then BOOM, shot down.... yeah well some stuff just sucks, and this is some of that stuff.

Love in Highschool?

2005-07-04T19:10:00.000-06:00

Well first I wanna say, HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!!!!!!

Anyways. ok, so, the other day in one of my many conversations, the subject came up of love in highschool. I wanna hear what you guys think about it. When you say "I love you" in highschool, do you really mean it? Is it ok to say "I love you" in highschool? Do highschoolers know what love really is? Is it possible to fall in love, and stay in love in highschool? Which brings me to the next question, How do you know when you are "in love"? Can you love someone, without being "in love" with them, if so, how? Im not gonna say anything about what i think, cause i want you to be able to say what you wanna say. So feel free to spill your heart, or not, I just thought it would be interesting to hear what you've gotta say.

A Butt Kicker

2005-07-02T15:55:00.000-06:00

I read this post on Ryan's blog, and let me tell ya, it kicked my butt:

I have seen everything in the days of my vanity (my emptiness, falsity, vainglory, and futility): there is a righteous man who perishes in his righteousness, and there is a wicked man who prolongs his life in [spite of] his evildoing.ecclesiastes 7:15

Life isnt supposed to be fair so we really cant blame God for surcumstances we find/found ourselves in.

I have found myself in many different little ruts, esspecially lately. I have found myself annoyed with God that he would put me in this situation with my family for so long, and not answere my prayers. I have been praying for my family for over 3 years now, and yet I have found little change in our day to day bickering and fighting. I have found myself annoyed with some of my best friends because (very selfishly) I have asked for them to drop everything, and help me. I have found myself crying myself to sleep because of all the chaos in my life, and I have been blaming every little last bit of it on God. So, life sucks. It does. But I cant blame it on God. I have realised now that one of the main reasons as to why God has not helped me and my family, is because until now I have never fully givin it to him. I have never said, "here I am God, I need your help, and I give it all to you. I give you full and complete control." Yes, I am a control freak, and this is def. not going to be easy for me. It is SO hard for me to let go of something that I have been trying to control for so long. A few years ago, once again I had to give full and complete control to God. And it was a VERY humbling situation. He took me to places I would have never been able to go to without his help, and without giving it up to him. I am now ready, to one again, give complete and full control to him.

Missions

2005-07-01T13:17:00.000-06:00

Over the past couple of days, with everyone home, I have been hearing over and over how people want to live their lives differently, or change their actions. But to be fully honest, I have seen no effort, no action. Every year as people come back from missions trips, you can always tell they have changed. I do see some change, but to be fully honest, I have seen very little. I feel as though more now then ever, we are more judgemental of each other. I feel more now then before, the ones I love the most judging me, and those around them, even judging them for things they have done themselves(And yes I do this too). I have been struggling with my family over the past couple weeks, and now that everyone is home, and I am able to ask for prayer, and just ask for them to simply help me in small ways, I feel as though they do put in an effort, but I feel an attitude come across that when they are "helping me" something else is on the top of their mind, I feel as though what I am saying is either going in one ear and out the other, or just shoved in the back of their minds. I dont ask for full attention, but I just dont feel like anyone truly and honestly cares. I am very thankfull for all the help I have gotten, and please if you are reading this and were on a missions trip, please dont take it personally, I dont mean it towards any one person, I am just making a general statement. I just pray and hope, that with super summer coming up, our youth group will be able to unite, to share with one another very personal things, have very intamate conversations without being scared of being judged. I do think that at this time, so many people are going through so many things that it is hard to listen to other people while their prob. are at the top of their minds, and if any of you are struggling, just let me know. In full honesty, I care about each and everyone of you, and I am willing to pray for you. Out of my hard experiences these past couple of weeks, I have now decided that I am going to try my hardest to help others through my problems. I beleive that my experiences, will help me help others. Please let me know if you need prayer, and I will try my hardest to be there for you. I am also going to try very hard to help everyone around me begin to change what they have been talking about changing ever since they have gotton back. God Bless, and have a good day

Prayers Please

2005-07-01T00:44:00.000-06:00

Hey everyone, um, i just thought i would ask you to pray for me, and my fam. You see we are having a lot of problems... so please, if you would be willing, please pray for us.

My week

2005-06-30T21:27:00.000-06:00

Ok, so it's been a while since i have posted, so i'm gonna post one right now! Well.. hmm... what has happened recently? OH I KNOW!!!! EVERYONE CAME HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yay!!!! That was so great!!!!! I went to the airport to see everyone, and i felt like a little kid on christmas, like seriously! Drew was the first one to come up the escalator, and i screamed and jumed up and down, and yeah, everyone made fun of me..... anyways, i am so freaking happy that everyone is finally home, and it was great just to hold Rocky in my arms again.

well anyways, i wanna tell a story about my dreams while everyone was gone. well everynight i had a dream that everyone was coming back and their flight crashed, and everynight someone different died, i know how lovely. but one night was the worst!!! I had a dream (even though debbie wasnt on the same trip) that everyone servived, but laura, debbie and rocky...So they crashed and they went to the hospital, and they knew they were going to die, so they got to call one person, like they all had to decide on one person, they didnt each get one person. so they chose me. well they called and told me what happened, and they all told me they cared about me so much, and that they would see me in heaven, and to tell their parents goodbye and that they love them. so i had to go to everyone's house and tell their parents that they had died, and that they loved them very much. then the funeral came along..... it was an open casket funeral. i saw all three of them dead!!!! well i had to speak at the funeral, and it was so depressing!!!! i woke up the next day and the dream felt so real i went and took a shower, and i was balling my eyes out n the shower, then i got out, and realised it was only a dream. but until they got back and i could hug each of them, i was sooo terrified that my dream was really going to happen. It was sooo terrible!

Well 2 days ago, me and Rocky got into a little speal, and im not going to explain it, cause it was our deal, and i dont think the whole world should know everything about it. But we got to talking and it came down to us deciding that we really need God to be the center of our relationship with no excuses or anything, because relationships cant work without God in the center. im really really glad we decided this, and its only 13 days till his birthday, and i think i might just be more excited then he is...... wow im a loser, but hey, on his birthday, i can finally be with my prince(and im not saying i expect to be boyfriend and girlfriend on his birthday, but it will be nice knowing that i can be with him, when he feels the time is right)

wow, that's a long blog entry, but oh well..... i hope you enjoyed it!!! well God bless your day!!

Lonely little birthday

2005-06-20T12:19:00.000-06:00

So my birthday was yesterday! Exciting right? Not quite... Well it was also fathers day. So we went over to my Uncle's Brother in-law's Mom's house. Yeah I've never met this women before in my life.. then i ate a cookie, and got really sick. but then my parents decided they wanted to go see Mr. and Mrs. Smith. I've already seen it, and I was sick... yeah.. anyways, my sister was in a terrible mood... and treated me like crap.. and my brother was a butt head, i dont know why either.. I was really lonely on my birthday, and on top of all that, my mom made me clean. On my birthday!! My whole family was like in really really bad moods, so that was my birthday. OH and then I cried myself to sleep cause that was a really really crappy day. I am really really really ready for everyone to get back from Costa Rica. I still have 1 week, and I don't know how im gonna do it... i've barely made it this far...

selfish thoughts

2005-06-16T17:31:00.000-06:00

Last night while i was liing awake in my bed, i was thinking about a lot of different stuff. The post nathan posted a little while ago called "Denominations" has really made me strive to know more about the history of religion, and made me strive to be more in touch with God, and strive to be aperson who sees everyones side, not only my own. I also thought about everyone going on their trips, and how much i was going to miss them, and how lonely i was going to be. As the tears started rolling down my cheeks i realised i was being selfish. Because it was then that i realised that i wasnt only sad because i was going to miss everyone, i was sad because i didnt want to be alone, and i started to wish they werent going. But how dare me?! As a christian walking in a personal relationship with christ how dare i wish for others not to serve him? how dare i ever wish to be a higher priority to my friends then their creator and God? I know my thoughts were wrong, that i should never wish to be higher then God, or ever wish for others not to serve him. My thoughts were extremely selfish, and I know that now. Of course i am still going to miss everyone sooo much, but at least now i am sad for the right reasons.

Last night

2005-06-14T11:20:00.000-06:00

Last night my fam. and I went to benihanas and it was def. an experience... we went and sat down, and sometimes they combine parties, so these two guys come up and sit with us. They look really funny, like they are wanna be rockers... little did we know, they are! They are part of this 80's band Quiet Riot! They sing this really famous song called "Come on feel the noise" and so we got to eat dinner with the lead singer and guitar player! It was really cool. They were really cool guys. But the absolutely halarious thing is, in the middle of dinner, the singer pulls out a bag of coke and goes to the bathroom. It was so random and so weird! Oh well, it was fun anyways.... this whole weekend rocked! I think this was my best weekend ever! Oh and remember.... " I'm the Princess"

Sunday

2005-06-14T11:14:00.000-06:00

Sunday night I had a camp out at my house, and it was a blast!! We watched Phantom of the Opera, made smores, had a huge dog pile in the tent, ate cake(for my birthday) and it was the coolest freaking cake ever!!! wel then the guys left, and the girls went wild!!! well we gave and got back massages, um we talked about some interesting things and to put it simply, I had soooo much freaking fun!!!

What a suprise

2005-06-14T11:09:00.000-06:00

Wow.... so on saturday night my friends threw me a big suprise party!! I was so freaking suprised, I almost pissed myself.... haha jk, but I did almost run back up the stairs. I was so shaky after the suprise. But Debbie's mom just said that she was down stairs wrapping my presant, so me and laura werwe walkin down the stairs, and I thought to myself, "Why is she wrapping a presant in the dark? what a loser" but wow i'm dumb! But that night was a blast, and I couldn't have wished for a better birthday!

He's home!!!

2005-06-11T15:39:00.000-06:00

Rocky is safe at home now!!!!!!!!! yay!!!! Iam sooo happy, and really excited to see him!!!! He was hurt on his trip, and that scared me really bad, he got a concussion! I was so worried.. but drew was there, and he reasured me that he loved him too, and that he would take care of him for me. Im really glad he's home!

Not like a mom at all

2005-06-10T19:46:00.000-06:00

That last post is kind of just how i'm feeling right now. Don't get me wrong.. my mom loves me a lot, but it doesn't always feel that way. This morning she told me i could do something tonight, then i made an appointment to get a spray tan, and she said she would take me. then she decided she wanted to go to a movie, so she told me to cancel my plans. This isn't just a one time thing, she does it all the time!!! I am so sick of it.. I seriously want to scream. She does so much for me, but only when she feels like it. I hate that. It's like I dont even matter to her, it's like she can pick and choose when to be my mom. but that's not like a mom at all... To pick and choose when to love your child, that's just not how it works

Something so wrong

2005-06-10T19:41:00.000-06:00

She yells at me for wanting,
She tells me it's alright,
But everything's so difficult,
She just cant comprehend,
Somehow I'm at the bottom,
Of all her priorities,
I love my mom so dearly,
But why can't she love me

i dare you to feel, see, hear, and love

2005-06-09T20:18:00.000-06:00

I've been so afraid of getting hurt that I have put up many brick walls around my heart. I have fought every possibility of me caring about someone, because i am ABSOLUTELY terrified of giving my heart and having it handed back to me absolutely shattered. But the past couple of weeks, someone has shown me tha life is not worth living if the one you love doesn't now you love them. How can you touch without feeling, or look without seeing, or listen without hearing? You can't just like you can't live without loving.

A random thought

2005-06-08T19:14:00.000-06:00

No one can feel my pain,
My energy has gone down the drain,
With everything going wrong now,
I have to cope with this and i don't know how,
But how does one cope,
When it's so hard to find hope,
It's hard for me to understand,
Sinking deaper in this sand,
Why can't I have what I've had for so long,
What is it about me that's so wrong,
Why is there a sharp, deep knife,
Cutting deeper and depper into my life,
I know I'll get by,
I'll just have to try,
With prayer on my side,
God will be my guide.

Last night

2005-06-07T13:12:00.000-06:00

ok so last night was fun... Laura and Lauren came over, and man i love those girls!! they are so freaking awesome! even though they make me a little drunk(not litterally...) i still love them! So we went to Cold Stone, and wow i miss my ice cream.... everyone got to eat these huge ice cream cones, and here i am with my little pathetic sorbet... i know i'm cool.. but it was really good! Krista was working, man that girl can talk loud! we were in there and she was like, "can i help the next group?!" wow, it was loud, it was kinna funny though.. anyways that was lots of fun... my throught hurts this morning, i thinkk its cause when i fried my egg yesterday, i udes butter, and im not supposed to have milk of any sort, so i think that messed me up.. but oh well, theres nothing i can do now.... well um, if you guys could pray for me for my eating thing, that would be great. cause i am dropping weight pretty fast, and i dont know of very many foods i can eat, and with soccer season starting, not getting protein from milk or meat, im in big big trouble, so i just need some prayer... well love ya guys!

Changin things up

2005-06-07T13:04:00.000-06:00

Well, since a lot of things have changed over this past week(like everything im aloud to eat, and I saw laura changed hor blog backround thing, i decided i'll do that too.. so i followed in her footsteps and tada! isn't it pretty?!

yeah she is!

2005-06-06T21:51:00.000-06:00

Lauren is so hot!

Last week

2005-06-06T20:17:00.000-06:00

so.. hmmmm last week was fun! on tuesday i went to rachel's to teach the costa rica team a couple skits, and it was lots of fun!!! Well then i went to casa bonita with my family and the hunts (dustins family) and me and my bro got n a scratch fight which was lots of fun... but i got a huge mark on my arm, which isnt to attractive!!! well then wed. i had soccer tryouts... i was soooooo nervous!! but everything turned out alright, but im not going to play for that club.. then thursday i dont exactly remember what i did.... yeah im cool...... well anyways, friday started out really crappy. you see a few weeks back i went to the doctor (once again) because i am sick ALL THE TIME and i got three viles of blood drawn,, and they shipped it of to lab testing to have 100 foods tested to see if i was alergic to them. well friday i went to the doctor and had some horrible news... i am allergic to milk, cheese, wheat, beef, and lamb. if you know me, you know, I LOVE MY FOOD!!! well not anymore.... looks like shaylee gets to be anorexic for the rest of her life.. well not really, but it's been really hard... but that night i went and saw sisterhood of the traveling pants, and it was awesome!!! i love that freaking movie!!!!!!!!!!! ok, so saturday was an absolute blast!!!!! i slept in till like noon, then i relaxed took a shower, just hung out, then at 6:00 i went to the welcoming the freshman party. that was lots of fun, but after that was when the true fun began!! we all went to rachels and we danced, and had a blast!!! line dancing is sooooo much fun!!! oh and just a side note....Nathan, you are sooooooo manly..... hahahahaha.. well i guess thats somethin else too. ive known nathan for a long time, but i really really got to know him on friday, and that kid is freaking awesome!!! if you dont know him.. thats sux..... haha well anyways i had practice tonight with riverside a team(my new team) and it was soo much fun.. so this week was fun, bu i just wish rocky was here to share it with me.... hes camping with drews family, and i really miss him, and im ready for him to come home!!! w2ell i guess that's it, and wow thats long..... oh well.... LOVE YOU ALL!!!

i miss him

2005-06-06T20:03:00.000-06:00

So it's been 9 days since i've seen Rocky, and wow i miss him. but if thats not long enough, i dont get to see him for another 4 days! oh my goodness!! this is torture! then when he gets back, i only have a week till he leaves on his missions trip. im really glad he is going and serving God, it's just i miss him. and when he's on his missions trip he misses my birthday(along with pretty much all my other friends who are either going on the same trip, or on a different trip) i guess i will just have to make the best of this, and take it one day at a time. for all of you going on a missions trip, you'll be in my prayers!!!!

company

2005-05-31T15:39:00.000-06:00

I have known this one kid named Dustin since i was about 3 months old.... my family went to go visit his family last summer to go to his moms wedding (to his step dad) and i hadn't seen him in like 4 years. when i got there i get a huge suprise because he wasnt at all like i had remembered. how i remembered him was as a soccer player with brown hair and a bowl cut, strait har, pretty preppy, but when i saw him, he had a brown curly afro and was dressed in all black and was really quiet. he was really into dance dance revolution and could go INSANELY fast, i couldnt even beleive it. wel this time when he came to the door i got an even bigger suprise. he was kinna cute! he was dressed in a dark washed jeans, a polo shirt from abercrombie, and brown flip flops. he has always been shorter then me, but not this time... and last time i saw him we all called him puff, well he still has curly hair, but its not an afro, its shaggy and down to his eyes. he reminds me of rocky! he has dimples like rocky too... its so weird! I've like grown up with this kid, and with him changing all the time for the worse, you would think i would expect him to change for the better once, but it totally caught me off guard!!!! they leave this thursday, and if i have pics, ill post them!!!! well love ya guys!!
~Shaylee

ps

2005-05-28T03:08:00.000-06:00

ps. once3 i get my pics for prom alternative i will post them!!! love you guys!!!! gotta go save my dolphin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ha ha ha

my computer is retarded

2005-05-28T01:57:00.000-06:00

ok.. wow.... my computer is absolutely stupid, it hasn't let me post anything for a long time.. so i'm hoping it lets me this time..... ok so, what's new? great question!!! I'm glad you asked!!! Well church is freaking awesome!!! Laura is here right now, and it is 1:58 in the morning.... um, last saturday there was a dance called prom alternative, and wow it was amazing!! We had panda express cater, and me and rocky had our first dance, yay!!!! it was to "take my breath away" ahhh he's so cute... well anyways, my sister graduated on thursday, and i didnt get to watch her walk, because my mom gave us the wrong directions to the stadium, so we got lost.... so after the graduation i balled my eyes out, cause i dont want my sister to leave, it was just really really sad for me. well anyways, yesterday, i layed out in the sun, and if you know me, i'm really fair skinned, so i burn, and i fell asleep, and i was laying on my back for like an hour and a half.. then my bro threw a water baloon and woke me up... well then i turned over, and once again fell asleep for like an hour, then my bro threw a flour bomb at me... yeah wow i love him....... any ways now i'm really freakishly burnt, and sexy.... right...... anyways, im in pain...... well i'm gonna go save my dolphin cause he is on fire, and out of his bowl and rolling on the ground hitting me.. bye bye

Starting day!!!!

2005-05-08T22:00:00.000-06:00

Hello everyone!!!! major props to laura for helpin me make this!!! ok so..... lately has been insane!!! I have so much freaking homework it's unbeleivable(wow, i dont know how to spell..) anyways... well I love you laura!!!!!! And i'm gonna try really hard to keep my blog updated... so i guess you'll be hearing from me soon!! God bless, and have a great week!!!
~Shaylee